remember

my heart is sad today.
and to be honest, pretty angry too.
the more i think about the events of yesterday at ft. hood, the more upset i get.
i try really hard not to let things anger me. i really do. anger is such an ugly emotion. it's just not pretty.
but i'm mad right now. i can't hide that.
why on earth would anyone do that?
those poor men and women.
they were either just getting back from iraq or getting ready to go.
some had just survived a nightmare, so thrilled to be on home soil. knowing that they were going to go home and kiss their families. knowing that they were going to get to hold them in their arms for the first time in a long time.
and some were getting ready to leave. anxiety and fear of what was to come rushing through them. having just said goodbye to their loved ones, emotions running high.
both groups, coming and going, heroes. standing up for their country. for people who appreciate them and people who don't.
trusting that their brothers and sisters on the base would stand beside them; have their back.
and they were betrayed.
betrayed by one of their "own".
my family was just there a few months ago.
it terrifies me to think that these people who did this, were probably there when they were.
what if it had happened then?!
what would i have done?
i'm not a violent person. i'm really not. actually, i'm usually the peace maker/keeper.
but, had that happened to my boys, i won't lie, i would probably be tempted to drive down there and find the shooters.
i know that sounds stupid and i know that there would be nothing that i could do, but geesh, would i want to!
i just don't understand this hatred that people have in their hearts.
now, some will argue with me and say that our "guys" are doing the same thing by going over there. they think our country is intruding.
but to those people, you must not have all the facts. you must not remember the numerous attacks. you must not have ever lost a loved one.
i mean, you must obviously have some good reason for having those thoughts that i just can't comprehend.
whatever your thoughts on this war are, please don't ever tell me that these men and women got what they deserved. no seriously, NEVER tell me that.
events such as yesterday cause me to remember feelings that i had during the okc bombing and 9-11. feelings of fear, anger, hurt. it brings them back as if those were just yesterday as well. i feel them all over again.
okay, i need to breathe for a minute. i'm getting myself all worked up.
whew.
but really, sometimes i think we need to get worked up. we need to feel things. REALLY, TRULY feel things. it is so important that we don't forget those days. we need to be sad for those that have sacrificed themselves. we need to hurt for those families and survivors. and sometimes, we need to be mad.
i used to think that being mad was wrong. but really, it's what you do with your anger that's wrong. sometimes, anger can lead to really amazing changes.
like when you get mad about someone beating up on you and you decide you aren't going to take it anymore so you stand up for yourself--that's a good thing.
just because you are nice and kind doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.
now, i'm not going to drive down to ft. hood or anywhere for that matter and try to beat anyone up.
but i AM going to continue to support our troops and their families and our country.
i'm not going to hide my opinion just because it might be unpopular. i'm not going to back down just because someone disagrees with it or because it's politically incorrect.
i'm certain that i will always support our military and their efforts. i'm not afraid to say that.
i AM going to pray for them as well. i will pray that somehow, they find peace in this storm.
and i AM going to pray for those that did this terrible thing. i pray that their hearts are broken and that they see that this is NOT the right way. that killing people because of their religion or country affiliation is wrong. it just is.
and i AM going to pray, that i handle my anger and emotions in the proper manner.
i don't know what to do, other than to remember and pray. and love on those around me.
i'm thankful for the blessings i have in this life. i'm thankful that my loved ones are safe.
but i'm so sad that others are not.
i will try not to forget yesterday's events. right now, they are so fresh. but as time passes, they will fade. people will forget. emotions will settle. they will move on and continue with their lives.
however, the people directly affected by this, won't ever forget. it will always be right there with them.
i urge you, to never forget.
never forget how you feel at this moment. for in forgetting those feelings, this day, you forget them and the value of their lives.
and they deserve to be remembered.
they deserve to mourned.
they deserve your tears and your anger.
please remember.