Monday, April 7, 2008

Moving On

My heart hurts. I feel like someone has died. I feel like I'm mourning. And, in truth, I am mourning. I'm mourning such a great loss. The loss of family and friends.

I never thought it would end like that. I always knew that someday I would leave; that I would move on. But I never thought it would be so ugly and abrupt.

I also never thought that I would be one of those people that left a church over a dispute. I've stayed at that congregation through many hard times. I've tried to get along with others that were mean and contradicting, because, honestly, I can be just the same way.

But, it did end. It is over. I couldn't stay, not any longer. I couldn't sit there anymore while ugly things were going on.

I look back now and I realize that it was just so silly how it all started. Something like that should have never even been an issue.

Aren't we supposed to be loving? Aren't we supposed to welcoming? Isn't that what the church is about?

It's not about what the people want. It's not about the traditions. It's not about being "old-fashioned" or "contemporary". I believe that when you love, it covers all things. That when you love, it doesn't matter if someone moved a pulpit or if the flowers are different. It doesn't matter if the kids are a little too rowdy.

What matters is if we are welcoming to those that come in the door. What matters is if we are serving Christ. Because if you serve Him, you see the true meaning of His love and realize what a precious gift He gave and you want everyone to have it too.

You don't try to make people just like YOU. You want them to be just like HIM.

That congregation was my "home" for years. They were my "family". And it breaks my heart to know that I won't walk in those doors again. But, a home is where there is love and peace. A family is loving and kind. And I don't find that there anymore.

I'm not a quitter. I used to be. I used to give up when it got too hard. But I don't, as a rule, do that anymore. I don't just give up.

Some say that that is what my family and I are doing. But I don't see it that way. We are not giving up. We are moving on. We are trying our best to grow and to become better. And if we have to leave some dearly loved things behind to do so, then that is what we must do. We know that we are not perfect, but we want to serve the Father in a way that it pleasing to Him, not man.

But, knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I know someday it won't hurt as much; that someday I won't feel anger or sadness.

But, it will take time. And I pray that good things come out of this. And I know that there will. He tells me so.

"All things work for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

I just have to trust and beleive and walk in His love. I have to move on.