Tuesday, June 9, 2009

ch ch ch changes!

times they are a' changin. Current mood: blessed
yikes. july is coming up quick kids. which means i'm moving soon. eesh. i'm so super stoked about moving to texas. i've always wanted to live in the dallas area. not sure why. i guess it has something to do with the fact that there's always something going on and something to do. it's completely different from what i'm used to. i know, i know, it's only four hours away, but when you've never lived more than 15 minutes away from friends and family, that's quite a change! ha! (thailand and croatia for 6 weeks are total exceptions. :))it's gonna be such an awesome adventure...new job. new house. new friends. new everything. so, yeah, i'm excited.but...i'm also kinda scared out of my mind. because....new job. new house. new friends. new EVERYTHING!!! ha! i'm kind of taking a leap of faith with this whole moving thing. this move is something that i've been thinking about and praying about for such a long time. i've felt the urge to make some changes in my life but wasn't ever sure when to make them. i wanted to know that i was changing because it was a "God thing" and not a "selfish Carrie thing". and God has blessed me with a peace that i've only known a few times before. it's just time, you know? when people ask me why i'm moving, i say, "because i can". i know that sounds like a smart-arse question but in all seriousness, that's why i'm doing it. i'm finally at a point in my life where i'm ready to jump. to just let go and do something that i've always wanted to do (and most people think i can't) and just go for it. i'm ready to believe whole-heartedly that i can do all things as long as i keep Him first. i'm working on getting a job that i love. something that allows me to use my degree. something that makes me happy. i read a quote the other day about change. "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."in a way, i agree. i agree that there is meloncholy. that there is a bit of sadness. i mean, i'm moving away from everything i've always known.but i don't believe that i have to completely leave behind(die to) everything, just to go onto this new part of my life. it's because of the people and experiences of my past that i am able to make this change. they have given me the courage, strength and desire to go. it's because of the God that i serve and that will always be with me that i can move on. yes, it's going to be so hard to be away from family that are so normally close to me. and yes, it's going to be tough to leave behind a job and co-workers that have changed my life and helped me to grow. and of course, it's going to be terribly difficult to be away from those friends that have loved me and changed my life for the better.but, i found another quote that i do agree with. one explains how i feel. "Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”i don't believe that there is a place in this world that i can go that i will ever be too far from my friends and family to come back to them if needed. God has blessed my life(more than i deserve) with an amazing family and friends that are like family. they are a gift that i do not take for granted and will not let go of. who knows how long i'll be gone. maybe i'll stay there for the rest of my life. maybe i'll move across the country in a few years. maybe i'll decide i want to come back to western oklahoma eventually. who knows? you see, that's the beauty of this life that we have been given. we have so many awesome options and choices to make. we can do what we want. we can be what we desire. we can adapt and change. i do know this, though. no matter where i go, what i do, who i become, i will always have that deep faith in my Father. that hunger to do His will. that love that never ends, never fails. i will always be His child, His servant. i will go when He says go. and i will stay when He says stay. God has been so amazing. He has never failed me; never let me down. so even though, i'm a little apprehensive about the near future, i'm just going to trust Him. i'm just going to leap. because i know, He'll be right there to catch me.