mediocrity at it's best

sometimes, i wish that i were more interesting.

i have incredibly interesting, talented friends.

two of my roommates in college were art majors. they had this creativity that just oozed out of them in every aspect of their lives. they were so interesting and honestly i was jealous of them. they were so laid back. didn't care if the house was a mess. didn't care if everything was in it's place or if stuff matched. in fact, they preferred the opposite.
they are both art teachers now and still just as stinkin' creative and awesome as ever.

i have friends that are/were in bands. musical genius' in my opinion. they can pick up any instrument and play it as if they had always known how to.

one friend of mine is a cake decorator. her talent and vision is insane. her cakes are absolutely beautiful. not only can she bake/cook ANYTHING, but she can sing and play the guitar(which she taught herself to do in a summer), she can paint and write. crazy-talented, this girl.

another friend of mine does improv comedy. she is one of the funniest people i've ever met. this one also plays the cello.
i see these people with their ability to create and i become extremely envious.

i've been mediocre at several things in my life. but never really excelled at any one thing.

i can carry a tune, but i never was the best.
i tried playing the guitar but never could quite get it.
i can't draw to save my life.
i like to cook, but i'm nothin special.

i LOVE order and rules. the more, the better i say.
i like things to match and to be clean and neat.
i'm, well, i'm boring.
let's just put it out there and call it what it is.

and i'd like to say that i've tried to be interesting, but i just don't agree with the idea of making yourself something you aren't. i'm not going to be different just for the sake of being different, you know? i mean, if i'm different, then cool, but i'm not gonna force it.
that's kinda lame.

i would rather just be one of those people who it just happens for.
one who has a cool way of wording things. like, i heard this song on npr today and the lyric was "i've got so much time on my hands and i can't wash it off." what is that?! i want to think like that! geesh.

i want to be able to pick up a pen or paintbrush and create a work of art.
not gonna happen though.

i'd like to write songs and be able to play them in a coffee shop.
nope. won't happen either.

i'm not saying that i'm not going to try to do these things, if i want to. for example, i want to take ballroom dancing lessons. so, i'm going to. but do i expect that i'll be the best dancer in the class? nah. i took dance for 16 yrs and was just okay at it. and not because i didn't want to be good. oh, i wanted to. but, i didn't have the body type.


anyway, this sounds really whiney, i know. i don't mean for it to. it's just how i feel. i've come to terms with the fact that i'm not going to be an artist, or dancer or singer or musician or chef, etc. etc. i'm not gonna be excellent at any of those things.

but hey! maybe, just maybe, i'll excel at being mediocre. ;)