Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A Bit of Wish and Wash

i think i might be a bit wishy-washy. but then again, i might change my mind about that as well.
people who were constantly changing their minds or ideas or paths used to really irritate me. "just pick something already," i would say. i mean, come on, how hard is it to pick one thing and just go with it.
hmmm...well, i have recently realized that...i've become that girl now. i have a hundred different "great ideas" running through my head. a thousand different directions i would like to go in this life.
millions of feelings and emotions that i can't seem to get a reign on.
ugh.
how did this even happen? i used to have it together. i used to have a plan.
but now i have LOTS of plans.
i guess, in a way, that's okay. i have options, right? back-ups in case something fails.
but, the problem is, i keep involving others in these plans/ideas/emotions and then i change my mind or heart and that's where the trouble starts.
people don't like a wishy-washy girl.
heck, i don't like a wishy-washy girl.
and i am that girl.
so what to do?
i really don't know.
do i continue on with my non-commital type lifestyle; always pursuing new things.
or, do i commit to one thing and stick with it and be safe?
i'm kinda leaning towards the former. for now at least. that could change. ha!
but seriously, i don't want to be that girl that everyone rolls their eyes at when she has a new idea. (i've been the one doing the eye-rolling before.)
i want people to take me seriously. to believe that i won't let them down. to believe that i won't let myself down.
i really don't know what to do or how to figure this out.
am i wrong because i don't want to stay in one place forever and do one thing for the rest of my life?
am i terrible because the thought of committing to something long term scares the pants off of me?
sometimes, i think yes and sometimes no.
and there we go again with the wishy-washiness.
ugh.

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