ch ch ch changes!

times they are a' changin. Current mood: blessed
yikes. july is coming up quick kids. which means i'm moving soon. eesh. i'm so super stoked about moving to texas. i've always wanted to live in the dallas area. not sure why. i guess it has something to do with the fact that there's always something going on and something to do. it's completely different from what i'm used to. i know, i know, it's only four hours away, but when you've never lived more than 15 minutes away from friends and family, that's quite a change! ha! (thailand and croatia for 6 weeks are total exceptions. :))it's gonna be such an awesome adventure...new job. new house. new friends. new everything. so, yeah, i'm excited.but...i'm also kinda scared out of my mind. because....new job. new house. new friends. new EVERYTHING!!! ha! i'm kind of taking a leap of faith with this whole moving thing. this move is something that i've been thinking about and praying about for such a long time. i've felt the urge to make some changes in my life but wasn't ever sure when to make them. i wanted to know that i was changing because it was a "God thing" and not a "selfish Carrie thing". and God has blessed me with a peace that i've only known a few times before. it's just time, you know? when people ask me why i'm moving, i say, "because i can". i know that sounds like a smart-arse question but in all seriousness, that's why i'm doing it. i'm finally at a point in my life where i'm ready to jump. to just let go and do something that i've always wanted to do (and most people think i can't) and just go for it. i'm ready to believe whole-heartedly that i can do all things as long as i keep Him first. i'm working on getting a job that i love. something that allows me to use my degree. something that makes me happy. i read a quote the other day about change. "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."in a way, i agree. i agree that there is meloncholy. that there is a bit of sadness. i mean, i'm moving away from everything i've always known.but i don't believe that i have to completely leave behind(die to) everything, just to go onto this new part of my life. it's because of the people and experiences of my past that i am able to make this change. they have given me the courage, strength and desire to go. it's because of the God that i serve and that will always be with me that i can move on. yes, it's going to be so hard to be away from family that are so normally close to me. and yes, it's going to be tough to leave behind a job and co-workers that have changed my life and helped me to grow. and of course, it's going to be terribly difficult to be away from those friends that have loved me and changed my life for the better.but, i found another quote that i do agree with. one explains how i feel. "Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”i don't believe that there is a place in this world that i can go that i will ever be too far from my friends and family to come back to them if needed. God has blessed my life(more than i deserve) with an amazing family and friends that are like family. they are a gift that i do not take for granted and will not let go of. who knows how long i'll be gone. maybe i'll stay there for the rest of my life. maybe i'll move across the country in a few years. maybe i'll decide i want to come back to western oklahoma eventually. who knows? you see, that's the beauty of this life that we have been given. we have so many awesome options and choices to make. we can do what we want. we can be what we desire. we can adapt and change. i do know this, though. no matter where i go, what i do, who i become, i will always have that deep faith in my Father. that hunger to do His will. that love that never ends, never fails. i will always be His child, His servant. i will go when He says go. and i will stay when He says stay. God has been so amazing. He has never failed me; never let me down. so even though, i'm a little apprehensive about the near future, i'm just going to trust Him. i'm just going to leap. because i know, He'll be right there to catch me.

Proud Aunty

so, i don't really consider myself a "braggert". but when it comes to my nephews, i will BRAG all day. i'm just so proud of my nephews. they are such good boys. they are kind, caring, selfless, compassionate, giving...they are just good boys!if you know me and my family, you know that two of my nephews, dusty and lance, are both in iraq along with their uncle and cousin(who are both amazing too, i must say). whatever your opinion on the war, i would certainly hope that you will not disrespect our men and women in uniform. they are doing their jobs and doing them well. they are putting themselves aside for the time being and giving all they have. please, please, respect that. i have my opinions and if you have ever had a conversation with me you know what they are. so, i'm not going to jam them down your throat in this blog. i just wanted to take this time to tell you how wonderful my boys are. instead of me continuing to ramble, i will just share with you an email that i received from dusty not too long ago. his opinion and thoughts matter much more than mine. he's a special boy.(and so is lance! can't leave him out!) i hope you can see just how special he is through this small email. it speaks volumes to me.

"Hey Aunty how are you? I'm doing fine kinda busy but not too bad. Its election time here so kinda cool to witness. Its so funny how my opinions of this war have changed. Now dont get me wrong Iraq sucks, but i have got to be apart of doing things to better this country.We as Americans are actually trying so hard to help them, they have just been corrupt for so long its gonna take a while. Elections seem to be the worst part of it. People have a hard time excepting Democracy, but they will. Other than that all is well. I was thinking the other day, could you imagine us not being able to use our imaginations to play when we were kids and be whoever we wanted. People our age here never got that, but kids like mine will. That is Gods hand i just know it Carrie. He is everywhere. Love, Dusty"

now, if you were me, wouldn't you be proud? i hope so.

There's mud in your eye

I'm so completely sick of all the hateful remarks and accusations that have been thrown this way and that this past election season. And not from the candidates, surprisingly, but from the voters.
If you are not able to state your opinion without using some kind of dirogatory term or obscene language, then please refrain.
I don't care if you think that my candidate is a "f------g idiot" or if you think the other party are a bunch of "conservative morons" or "liberal pansies". Please hold back on the name calling and give me a reason as to why you think that. And if your vocabulary is not large enough that you are able to use proper adjectives to vocalize your opinion than I would rather not hear it at all.
But if you can calmly state your ideas without making sailor's blush, then we can talk. I don't care if I disagree with you completely, as long as we can have an educated discussion devoid of rude comments and false accusations.
I love to talk politics but there is absolutely no point, for me, to argue with someone who can't go through an entire sentence, much less a conversation, without mudslinging.
There are times when I feel like we are all in the middle of a huge mud pit and we can't even tell who's who because we are in it up to our eyeballs!
I'm sick of people repeating rumor after rumor. Most of them are obviously not true and if you aren't smart enough to realize that (especially if you repeat them) then maybe you aren't intelligent enough to vote. I know that sounds harsh, but seriously folks, stop acting like children who tell blatent lies.
Neither party is innocent of this. I have heard terrible remarks from all sides and I'm completely disgusted.
I've had people call me names because of the candidate that I choose to support. I have had them berate me with hateful comments. They have attacked my candidate's platform with utterly false statements. And they have attacked me as a person verbally because of what I believe.
If you have to get defensive and start calling names then maybe you aren't so sure of why you are backing your candidate and should do a little more research as to why you stand behind him. Hmmmm...?
Tuesday is the big day. Whatever the outcome, I truly hope that we will all carry ourselves with some dignity. I pray that there aren't a bunch of 18-70 yr olds running around saying, "nananana boo boo! My candidate won and yours didn't! hahah!"
If you know me, you know my views and how I will vote. If you don't, then I will be happy to tell you and why. But I will not get into a battle with someone just for arguments sake.
I love this country and am proud to be a US Citizen. I am proud of where I come from and who I am now. I am proud of my beliefs and my ideals. I will not lower myself to defend them. But, I will defend them.
I encourage everyone who is able, to vote. It's an amazing priveledge to be able to do so and I hope everyone understands that.
But please, do so wisely. Don't vote just because someone told you to or because you are angry at a particular party. Don't be spiteful. That doesn't get anyone anywhere.
So, on November 4th, be smart and GO VOTE!

Forget Mapquest!

I recently took a road trip with a few friends of mine to Texas to visit another friend to help her celebrate her birthday.
The trip to Dallas started Friday night around 6:30pm. Yes, I know that’s a little late to start a four and a half hour drive but with the excuse that traffic wouldn’t be nearly as bad by the time we hit Denton, we were off. I usually drive on these trips but we were taking Maggie’s car so she had the privilege of driving and the honor of my backseat driving. We decided not to let Kim driving, knowing that since she ALWAYS drives at least 5 miles UNDER the speed limit, we wouldn’t make it to Dallas until the next day.
Maggie drives a little over the speed limit, and I, on the opposite end of the spectrum from Kim drive, well, let’s just say, I drive well OVER the speed limit. And no I will not advertise what type of vehicle I drive so that you law keepers can watch out for me.
Anyway, back to the story.
So, off we went, trying not to make too many stops at random gas stations knowing that we would get held up at all the fancy cappuccino machines, thus creating more stops after all the coffee drinking.
We made pretty good time, although I did urge Maggie, gently, to speed it up and quit driving like “an old lady” when she would only go 79. Like I said, I’m a mover when I’m on the open road!
We easily made it to Denton, where I must add there was no traffic.
I have made the trip to Dallas numerous times, so getting to Denton was the easy part.
Before we left I printed out a map from the Internet. It’s supposed to be “easy” to follow the directions so we weren’t expecting that we would have any trouble. We were sadly mistaken.
We were looking for Hgwy 121. Let’s just review the conversation that took place:
Carrie: Kim, you navigate since you’re in the front seat.
Kim: Okay, take exit -----….and then get back on? What? That doesn’t make sense. Surely not.
Carrie: Are you sure you are reading that right. Maybe we should just go straight.
(So we tried going straight.)
Kim: Hmmmmm….well, maybe we should turn around and get back on the highway and try again.
Carrie: Give me that. Oh I see! We aren’t supposed to get back on, we are supposed to follow the curve…maybe…Now follow BR 121. What’s BR 121? Ohhh…BUSINESS ROAD 121! Why didn’t they just say that!! Okay, here we go. Now look for TX 26…where in the world is TX 26?!!! Surely it’s just up a few more miles…. no wait that’s the way to the airport.
Maggie: We DO NOT want to go to the airport!!!!
(Now picture all three girls breaking into hysterical laughter because we are soooo lost.) Kim: What’s that up ahead. Oh please be TX 26.
Carrie: Where in the heck is TX 26?!
Kim: TX 26! TX 26! That’s it!
(Girls celebrate loudly)
Carrie: Now find Grapevine drive. Wait, Maggie why are you turning?
Maggie: You said….
Carrie: NO Maggie not …drive! Grapevine Drive! Yes, that’s what I said. Okay turn around again and we are there! Nope, still lost.
Maggie: Maybe we should just turn around and go back to where we started. What do you think Carrie?
Carrie: I give up. I quit. I hate this map.
Kim: I say that we go this direction. It just FEELS right.
Carrie: Whatever, I don’t care anymore.
Maggie: What do think, where do we go?! You just tell me and I’ll go.
Kim: Let’s go this way.
Carrie: sure. Why not.
Kim: It’s the Texan Gaylord Resort. It’s huge. There’s no way we can miss it! There’s a big building! Wait….nope. Not it.

But suddenly after just a few more seconds of driving there we were…in the service entrance of the Texan Gaylord Resort.

Kim: I just knew it!
Carrie: I’m so glad we listened to you. We would have been in Waco by now if we had listened to me. Stupid map.

Well, we ended up getting there only 45 minutes later than expected and we had a fantastic weekend. And honestly, if it had not been for that little mishap we wouldn’t have come up with our great idea. So I guess we are thankful for the crummy old map.

And now, we are going to start a company, creating maps specifically for woman. There won’t be any of that TX 26 junk or BR 121 stuff. Our maps will read a little something like this: Go to the Starbucks on the corner and go a couple of blocks to the Old Navy and turn left (the hand with the ring on it or lack there of). Okay, keep going straight until you see Pottery Barn…
What do you think? I think we are on to something! I think we could make millions!
Now if I could just get some financial backers…anyone? Anyone?

52 Sundays

It was as if suddenly a light came on in my mind as I looked up from my seat in the living room at the dining room table. There sat 4 woman eating Sunday dinner as they always do. Why it didn't hit me sooner I don't know. They gathered as normal--dishing up the plates for the children, then serving themselves. I went to sit in the adjacent living room so that there would be room at the table as I usually do. But this time, when I looked up from my plate, I saw a very different setting. Each female was missing a partner. We were a house full of mainly woman this afternoon. It had happened before, but this time it seemed much more empty.

My heart sank as I looked at these 4 brave woman. Their husbands have been gone on several Sundays but this one was different. This Sunday was the first of 52 consectutive Sundays they would be gone.

I've been in denial for the past year about the boys leaving for training and then on to Iraq. Oh sure, I wrote about the day they got their letters and I've remembered them on patriotic holidays. And I knew they were going, but I think that I just pushed the thought aside thinking that I could actually push the time away.

My mother measures time in Sundays. Anytime I was gone for weeks at a time she would count the Sundays rather than other days because that is when we all gather together. Sunday is when you realize someone is missing. I guess that's why it hit me so hard this day when I looked up to see the remaining 4.

Their strength inspires me, these young wives and mothers, who have now taken on the father role as well. They will be the disciplinarian as well as the carer of scraped knees. They will cook the meals and take out the trash. They will tell the bedtime stories and check the closet for monsters. They will tuck the tiny ones into their beds and tell them everything will be alright and then go to their own beds and pray that it really will. For the next 52 Sundays, they will dine at the table alone, together.

It's going to be tough. There is no doubt about that. There will tears, worry, great fear, and at time anger at the absence of our boys. We will wish they didn't have to miss babies births and anniversaries. We will wish they could be here for holidays. We will wish they could be here for Sunday dinner.

But we will also realize how blessed we truly are to have one another to lean on and to have an already existing support group like we have.

We will count down the Sundays together. We will continue to gather and hold eachother up. We will make sure we laugh together and if need be, cry together. We will pray that God holds our boys safe in His loving arms and that He gives us the comfort that only He can give.

I don't think that I will ever get used to seeing the 4 empty chairs. And I know that their wives and children won't. And I'm thankful that we don't have to.

That is when I thank God and remember, it's only 52 Sundays--1 down, just 51 to go.

Do you get it?

It was your typical Sunday afternoon baseball game. The players stood in their positions, the crowd sat in their seats. We were sitting in the cheap seats. You know the ones where you need binoculars to see who's on first. My friends and I were just there to watch the game. Nothing special, just your average old baseball game. And as the stranger began to sing we all knew the drill.

I thought to myself then that to too many, that's what the singing of our National Anthem has become-a drill or a routine. You get a hot dog, you stand through the song, you watch the game and you go home. Many people don't get all the fuss about that tri-colored piece of cloth or that oh-so-well known song.
But as I stood there with my hand over my heart, listening to the stranger's beautiful voice echo through the stadium, watching Old Glory wave in the summer breeze, tears welled up in my eyes and I got it.
This is truly what America is all about. We were all standing in unison because we all knew deep down what that flag and that song meant. Sure, some don't really care anymore, but they still KNOW. They can't deny it no matter how hard they may try.

We CAN go with our families to this great American past-time and watch two teams play their hearts out for the love of the game. And even though only one team wins, everybody virtually goes home happy.
We have that ability, that privilege to do so. We have that freedom.

Somebody fought and possibly died for that freedom. Somebody left their family and fought on enemy soil so you and I could go sit in a stadium and watch other people play a game, while eating a $7 hot dog and drinking a $4 coke.

This next fourth of July my baby nephews and two other men in their family will be fighting somewhere overseas for that flag, and even though some have chosen to forget, the values and freedoms it still represents.
Those boys get it. They know what that flag means. They understand what a special gift it is to go to a game with their wives and kids. They know what they fireworks truly represent.

I talk about my nephews, their cousin, their uncle and all those men and woman a lot, I know.
I realize I ramble on about it incessantly. To most people around me it probably gets really old. They are more than likely tired of hearing "Carrie's Political Rant of the Day".
But hey, when you believe in something and you are proud of someone, that's what you do. You stand up and you tell others about those people and those beliefs and you don't back down. You don't let other's influence you.
And when you go to a sporting event and it comes time for the Star Spangled banner you don't care how long you have to stand, you just do it, because you know it's the right thing to do. When everyone else around you is looking to see if they can find themselves on the big screen or whispering to their buddy next them, you are standing with your eyes on the old Red, White and Blue and you are singing along, word for word.
So you see, when my family or myself go to a game and the band starts up or the group begins to sing, it's not just a routine to us. It's one way that we can pay homage to the men and woman who have done so much for us without even knowing that we exist.
We jump to our feet, put our right hand's over our heart's and we look at that beautiful flag through misty eyes and we get it.
"Oh say does that Star Spangled banner yet wave, or the land of the free and the home of the brave?"
I get it.
Do you?

Western Oklahoma in June

if someone would have blindfolded me and drove me around and then just dropped me off, i could have still told you that i was in western Oklahoma in June. just by the feeling in the air surrounding me, i promise you, i could have told you.
the air was heavy with the sweet scent of fresh cut wheat.the wind was whipping my hair around my face.there's a certain sense for a farm kid or maybe it's just me, but if for some reason i couldn't see and lost all track of time, i could tell you by the smells and feelings what time of year it was.i love western Oklahoma in June. heck, i love western Oklahoma all the time, but especially in June.i had decided to drive out to my old house south of town one evening. i hadn't actually been out there in two years. as i pulled up the front drive to that old house, tears began to stream down my face. this was not the house that i had known. the yard had grown up wildly. the barn had been blown down by one of last year's wind storms. the shingles on the house were coming off. it just looked sad, this old abandoned homestead.i sat in my air-conditioned car for a few minutes, letting the emotion pass over me as if i had just found out a long-time friend had passed away. i think i actually heard my heart break as i looked at that place. it just wasn't the same.finally, i shut off the engine, stepped out of the car and walked to the edge of the yard.the damp air rested on my skin.i closed my eyes and took in a long deep breath.and suddenly, i was home again.the sweet scents of budding fruit trees and wheat grass, the mustiness of the nearby canyon and freshness of red dirt filled my nostrils in that one breath and washed over me like flood waters.memories flashed through my mind like tidal waves.images of daddy in the garden and of him working in the field.i could see dozens of kittens, dogs and chickens in the front yard and cattle in the pasture.the laughter of my sister's and my own voice rang faintly in my ears.with that one breath, everything was just the same as it had been all the years i had lived there.i was afraid to open my eyes, knowing what i would see when i did.i just wanted to stand there with the tall grass brushing against me in the breeze and breathe in the aroma forever.i wanted those memories to keep coming. the ones of my nephews and i playing in the hay loft of the big red barn. the ones of my sister singing and dancing on the back porch and me being a member of the "audience".the one's of my momma "playing" in her flower beds.but, i couldn't. eventually i would have to open my eyes and i would have to get back in my car and go back to my new home.so i opened them. my lids were heavy and they raised as if from a long sleep, although it had only been seconds.i looked around at the land and whispered an apology to the house and the barn for leaving them and promised that i would be back again to visit.a gust of wind hit me with the essence of western Oklahoma in it.if i could bottle that scent i would. i would spray it in my house so as to serve as a reminder of the wonderful place that i was raised in.i would share it with everyone; those that had experienced it first hand and those who grew up in cities far away and never did. i would want them to know how beautiful life is where i come from.i would try to sell it, but to be honest it probably wouldn't sell to anyone but people like me. people who grew up in the country. people who have experienced the same joys that i have in a place like this.people who know what June in western Oklahoma smells like.people who, although they desire travel, know in their hearts that this will always be home.i've journeyed to many a place and have enjoyed each of them immensely. and at each new destination i say, "i could live here". and i could. i could go anywhere and be content there. i could breath in the air and settle in and be just fine. and i probably will, to be truthful. someday, i'll leave this area.but, i can't deny that there will never be a place that i love as much as western Oklahoma.especially in June.